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Minister who lost 3 sons counsels youth
2007-01-28
The Rev. Leondis Fuller had three sons, and each of them died by the bullet. At the funeral for the last one -- after Fuller gave his eulogy -- he implored young people to come forward. Muzi.com News 10034301-0 (muzi.com)More than three dozen mourners in their teens and 20s peered into the casket. Muzi.com News 10034301-1 (muzi.com) "Now, as you make your way back to your seats, I want each of you to shake my hand, give me a hug and tell me you're going to change," Fuller said. Muzi.com News 10034301-2 (muzi.com) "Change!" he shouted as each person embraced him. "I want you to change!" Muzi.com News 10034301-3 (muzi.com) This was in 2002. Fuller was fed up with Milwaukee's inner city violence and dysfunctional family cycles. Gunfire stole his only three biological children from him -- his 12-year-old, 21-year-old and 27-year-old sons -- all within a half mile and nine years. Muzi.com News 10034301-4 (muzi.com) But he was not embittered. Muzi.com News 10034301-5 (muzi.com) He spent 20 years addicted to alcohol and 14 years to drugs, but he turned his life around. Now, at 48, he spends nearly all his waking hours helping other battered souls, including fathers right out of prison, and drug and alcohol abusers, and fighting the violence that claimed his sons. Muzi.com News 10034301-6 (muzi.com) He was there for a recent candlelight vigil for Milwaukee's 2006 homicide victims, addressing a crowd packed into an inner city church. He knew about grief, he told them. Muzi.com News 10034301-7 (muzi.com) "We can't just turn our back toward the crime and violence in our city," he said, speaking mostly without notes, his voice rising and falling. Muzi.com News 10034301-8 (muzi.com) "Amen," the crowd answered. Muzi.com News 10034301-9 (muzi.com) Afterward, a couple sitting in the pew behind Fuller told him how sorry they were to hear of the deaths of his children. Muzi.com News 10034301-10 (muzi.com) "It made me strong," Fuller told them. "Thank you," Muzi.com News 10034301-11 (muzi.com) ___ Muzi.com News 10034301-12 (muzi.com) His life did not start promisingly. His father was an alcoholic and his mother struggled as a single parent in Milwaukee. When he was in high school, he got a girl pregnant and had his first son, Lamar, at the age of 16. The boy's grandmothers raised him. Muzi.com News 10034301-13 (muzi.com) Any hopes of going to college were derailed by drugs and alcohol. He went to work as a machinist; he did not renounce his addictions until Father's Day, 1990, when his stepson asked a drug dealer for $5. Muzi.com News 10034301-14 (muzi.com) "I asked him, 'What in the hell is wrong with you, asking him for money?'" Fuller said. "He said, 'Dad, he has all of yours.' That was the blow. I went and got help that day." Muzi.com News 10034301-15 (muzi.com) Finally clean, went to college and earned associate, bachelor's and master's degrees. He became a Baptist minister. He started making parenthood a higher priority. Muzi.com News 10034301-16 (muzi.com) Then he lost his sons, one after another. Muzi.com News 10034301-17 (muzi.com) The first was the youngest, Monte. He was killed in 1993 in a drive-by shooting as he sat on a porch. Court documents say the shooter thought the boy was a rival gang member. Muzi.com News 10034301-18 (muzi.com) Then, Leondis Jr. In 2000, he was released from Prairie du Chien Correctional Institution for discharging a firearm. "I believe he really felt he had another chance, the family thought he had another chance," Fuller said. Muzi.com News 10034301-19 (muzi.com) A month later, two men riddled the car in which he was sitting with bullets. A drug-related shooting, police said. Muzi.com News 10034301-20 (muzi.com) Finally, his eldest, Lamar Grayson. Lamar had been convicted of selling drugs. In 2002, he was shot six times coming out of an apartment building; he died 20 days later. Muzi.com News 10034301-21 (muzi.com) Their father has regrets. In his dark years, he was not wholeheartedly involved in their lives. He can't do anything about that now, he said, but he can move forward -- "I can do something to change what happens to people today." Muzi.com News 10034301-22 (muzi.com) There is so much to do. Community groups and police have struggled in recent years to combat violence in Milwaukee's inner city, where Fuller grew up and now lives and works. Muzi.com News 10034301-23 (muzi.com) It is, said Fuller, the place where most black men released from the state's prisons end up. According to Milwaukee police Chief Nan Hegerty, there are 18,000 convicts on supervision in Milwaukee, and an expected surge in prison releases could lead to even more crime. Muzi.com News 10034301-24 (muzi.com) Those are the very people Fuller now targets as director of mentoring and training at Word of Hope Ministries and in his work running an organization that helps young fathers on probation or parole find jobs and become better parents. He also counsels drug and alcohol addicts at a local church and gives motivational speeches to prisoners and at-risk kids. Muzi.com News 10034301-25 (muzi.com) During a group mentoring session in a church basement, Fuller worked with about 20 former criminals -- mostly men, but also a few women. Muzi.com News 10034301-26 (muzi.com) One exercise asked them how they would react if a great-looking woman or man asked them to have unprotected sex. An assistant mentor handed out playing cards that represented different consequences for each decision. Muzi.com News 10034301-27 (muzi.com) One man stood up. He had a black face card. Muzi.com News 10034301-28 (muzi.com) "The girl gave you HIV and you don't know yet whether she is pregnant," Fuller said. Muzi.com News 10034301-29 (muzi.com) A few in the group laughed. But Fuller believes an important point is being made: "This whole thing allows you to think about your decision before you go though making a decision because when you make them, the consequence can be greater than what you think." Muzi.com News 10034301-30 (muzi.com) ___ Muzi.com News 10034301-31 (muzi.com) Fuller's cell phone rings often. Sometimes the calls are from his family -- he remarried in 2000, to Darlene, has a stepson and stepdaughter and seven grandchildren. Muzi.com News 10034301-32 (muzi.com) Darlene thinks the deaths of his three sons made him a better person. Muzi.com News 10034301-33 (muzi.com) "He gives all of himself and more," she said. Muzi.com News 10034301-34 (muzi.com) He leaves the house by 7:45 a.m. and sometimes doesn't get home until after 10 p.m. All day, he answers calls from co-workers, or from some of the 350 people he estimates he's mentored. Muzi.com News 10034301-35 (muzi.com) Charles Richardson, a 42-year-old father of eight, is one of the callers. The two met in 1997 when Fuller counseled him for drug and alcohol addiction. Fuller was there, too, in 1999, when he relapsed and needed help. Muzi.com News 10034301-36 (muzi.com) Richardson said Fuller is an inspiration. He said Fuller also helped him in his job as a facilitator at St. Vincent Family Resource Center, where he helps fathers. He's been there for four years -- the longest job he's held in his life. Muzi.com News 10034301-37 (muzi.com) "It's hard to describe him with one simple word -- if there is something to enhance `fantastic' we could use that," he said. "He was able to encourage me when I could not encourage myself." Muzi.com News 10034301-38 (muzi.com) At Lamar's funeral, Fuller handed out 250 business cards to young people. He told them he was there for them if they needed him as a father figure. Muzi.com News 10034301-39 (muzi.com)
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